"What should I say? What should I do? How can I help?" A Good Friend for Bad Times offers readers a better understanding of the grief process and provides insight and practical advice for expressing concern to a friend.

A Good Friend for Bad Times; Helping Others through Grief
By Deborah E. Bowen and Susan L. Strickler

Excerpt:

           We are orphans.  Both of us have lost both our parents, our mothers most recently.  We also are professional mental health practitioners who specialize in caretaker and grief issues.  We are well versed in the scholarly literature on grief, loss, death, and dying.  However, when we suffered our own losses, we realized that all the theories, all the storehouses of knowledge, and all the tales of other’s experiences did not prepare us completely for coping with our own grief.

We have worked for years with grieving clients who have suffered many different kinds of losses, including deaths of a spouse, a parent, a child, a fiancé, a pet.  We have helped people cope with miscarriages and abortions.  We also know folks grieve losses other than death: a move from a beloved home or city, destroyed property from natural disasters, or loss of mobility due to illness.  Many grieve more than one loss at any one given time.

We learned in our own grieving experiences, and from our clients, that the best support and comfort came from our families, friends, coworkers, and spiritual leaders.  We learned that, while grief is intensely personal and individual, we could not grieve in a vacuum.  We needed the help of many others to make our way through the morass of pain. 

           However, we have discovered that many friends and coworkers do not have the tools to assist someone who is grieving.  Well-intentioned questions or comments cut like knives.  “When will you be back to normal?”  “You need to get on with your life.”  “You can’t cry forever.”  Yet, in fact, there were times when we did not want to carry on with our lives, when we believed we could, or would, cry forever.  Grieving happens the way it happens.  There are no rights or wrongs.  Each of us grieves in his own way, in his own time.  Certainly, there are similarities among us in the range of our emotions and actions, but circumstances for each of us are unique. 

There are literally thousands of books about grief and bereavement, many of them excellent resources for the grieving person.  However, we have found very few that provide clear, concise information for those of us who support friends, family members and coworkers during and after times of loss.  This book was written to support the supporters.

    
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